hi. im 19years old. And currently upset and not to happy in life.
All my life i have been picked on.Growing up I was overweight and very smart, and i had little friends as a kid. I always felt different and lonely. No one was there for me really.

When i got into highschool i made a ton of friends and lost weight. My grades began slipping. This was because, i went to a school with smart kids and i felt like i couldnt compete so i was just average. And highschool sucked for me. I didnt fit in. (im half black/half white) And once again kids made fun of me for that. And i feel ashamed of who i am. My parents dont get it or how i feel. My mom claims it growing pains but its so much more than that! My friends where phony, and boys where pigs!
I didnt graduate on time, i failed chemistry and i had to go to nite school for that on one class, so i didnt go to college right away. I beated myself up so much. And my parents wont let me forget it that i messed up. CHEMISTRY IS HARD! i failed that exam by 4 points. I literally never heard the end of it.
So now im 19.
stuck, confused , and upset!
my mom is battling lung cancer and my dad is always working. I dont know what to do. My mom keeps telling me to just live my life(which im doing) and not to worry. But its like im being mom now.
I have 2 younger brothers and i have to get them up and ready for school every day. Clean the house, laundry etc. im not being a spoiled brat, but why does it all fall on me? I have an older sister who is 20yrs, and she doesnt do anything! Shes never home, and never gets yelled at for anything! She uses the excuse that shes always working. SO am i! i work my butt off! My oldest brother who is moved out never calls or stops by.
I just want to be a 19 year old kid with not as many worries.
i feel so depressed. and theres always so much pressure on me.Everyone expects me to be perfect!and im not! no one is! My parents dont get it that people make mistakes! My dad blames every little thing on me! im always crying and so frustrated because no one will listen to me.
I dont feel beautiful or pretty, i gained 30lbs in the past to years and i just feel like i let myself down. i wanna be free. I wanna love me for me! and not be so hard on myself and just not let other things get to me.