I love my mom so much. I feel like I always need to be with her though, or she will think I don’t love her. She’s always saying how everyone fails her and how no one loves her (she’s depressed, as I am which she doesn’t know, so I try hard to help). I’m constantly with her to keep her entertained and to listen to her. I’m always cleaning to make her happy and to surprise her and just doing stuff in general to show I care (I do this all day).

The pressure is becoming too much. Everyday I cry over the fact that I am petrified of losing her love, yet scared to be around her because I could mess-up and lose her love that way. I haven’t seen my friends outside of school in years since she always acts very upset when someone would invite me over and then the same thing when someone would come over here.

This may seem like I’m too old to worry about losing my mom’s love, but I just graduated from high school. I’ve had a bunch of graduation parties to attend, and one day some were on the same day so a group of us who were going to them all planned on going together (I was really excited, because I had made sure to do extra work in the days before). However, my mom needed some work done at the house so I ended up missing them. I just can’t let her down. I don’t blame my mom, it was my own choice after-all.

Well, my friends have been asking me all summer to hangout before we all go off to college, and I really want to. However, I can’t. I always tell my best friend I can’t get together, but she’s really been asking and I hate hurting people so I said yes to her. When I told my mom she acted really upset. Either way someone gets hurt. My friend has been super understanindg about me always being unavailable, SO I can’t cancel on her. However, my mom will never get past this.

I hate myself. I feel like I can never do the right thing. I want to make everyone happy, but what happens when they have conflicting wants? My mom’s love is conditional, I know people want to believe that all parents love their children unconditionally but I know my mom doesn’t love me that way.

Do you have any advice for me? I’m so afraid of hurting my friend as well. Should I cancel though (I don’t want to hurt her either)? How can I keep from losing my mom? I know the day is coming where my mom doesn’t want me anymore. There’s more to it than this, but this is already so long. I’m so sorry for the length and for being such a loser about all of this.

Thank you very much!