When I graduated from high school, I felt a sort of pressure lifted off me. I probably though, I’m free. I’m not sure. I found myself a bit happier in that summer. When school started again, for the first few days, I felt like it was fun. But after those few days, that pressure that lifted off of me came back again.

I guess that pressure is the pressure to achieve. I know I’m not bright. I can’t read as fast as others or figure out math problems as fast as others either. In high school I was surrounded by those who are extremely intelligent, who win scholarships and those who pass AP tests with 3’s, 4’s, and occasionally, even 5’s. I’ve taken two AP tests and got a 1 on both of them. And sometimes I’m thinking, what in the hell am I doing with my life? While all those other people are achieving and working so hard… what am I doing? I try to catch up, but I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere. I lose motivation. And maybe, I might’ve not had motivation to begin with.

Others would also look down on me if I wasn’t intelligent. I hated that. I have a friend who has the same name as me. Shes incredibly smart, took more than 5 AP tests, and gets A’s in every subject. Guess what they called her? The Smart one while I’m The Dumb one.

I haven’t decided on a major. I don’t know what I want to do in life. I don’t want to waste money going to college and not choose a major that will help me somehow in my career. In the current economy, there is huge pressure in choosing something related to the sciences instead of the arts. Plainly put, the sciences are difficult. If I tried my hand at it, I’d probably give up on day one. I don’t feel as if I can just casually choose a major that I would enjoy doing. I don’t feel an affinity to any particular subject. I have to choose within a year, and I don’t even know which college I want to transfer to (I’m going to a community college and will transfer into a 4 year college).

Honestly, I feel like crying at times. I think… can I just give up school? Because… at times… I really can’t take the pressure.