Almost a year ago our son in his 40s had a relationship break-up and asked if he could come home and live with me and my husband. We agreed.

Our son said he had a lot of things he needed to sort through. To do this, he said he would need to take over my studio/workshop. So take over he did. He has covered my tables and has certainly taken over my area that I cannot even work there. Now, from going from my own ‘little retreat’ it has become a place of complete and utter disarray. It has nearly reduced me to tears.

My husband suffers from a health problem and does not have the strength to address this issue. So I am on my own here. It used to be lovely to go into my own little space and listen to the radio while I was working, but now that is all gone.

Our son is now starting to take over the house too. He works shift work and when he comes in in the early hours of the morning, I wake up to my living/dining room in a mess. I even found some muddy old shoes of his on top of my lovely old oak dresser this morning. I wake up to dishes not washed and sometimes he even leaves the sauce bottle, butter and bread on the kitchen table. In this heat, the butter goes rancid very quickly.

I said to our son that he needed to stop using our home as a dumping ground. He said it was all my fault as I had not given him any guidance and had not set any ground rules. He said I needed to tell him to put the stuff. I said I should not have to tell him.

He knows my standards are high. I feel he is just dragging his feet and making waves and passing the buck to me. He lacks motivation, there are things he should be doing around home for himself not just for me and because of the trauma he has been through I do not to pressure him too much.

I know he will be angry if I really start laying the law down.

Who is right here?